An Update

I can't believe it's been 5 years since I wrote the previous blog entries.  I had every intention of keeping up with a blog, but sometimes no matter how well you intend to do something…life gets in the way.  It's almost difficult to describe how hard the last few years have been.  I lost my father on October 6, 2011 after years of illnesses and several near death experiences. Prior to that both my grandfathers passed away within one year of each other and my mother had bladder cancer and had to have her bladder completely removed.  At the end of last summer, I quit my job of 10 years (due to an unbelievably deceptive person who was trying to get rid of me because she felt like I was a threat) and my sister decided to remove herself from my family.  It was hard, but I was actually keeping it together pretty well up until last summer’s phone call that caused me to leave my job.  Even before my father died, I was trying to make some changes in my life to make myself happier since I felt like I had so little control over all that was going on.   I woke up one morning feeling horrible about the weight I had gained from the stress eating I had done and I made a decision to get help with my weight loss.  I’m a person who is very strong willed and it was hard for me to admit to myself that I needed help with this as I pride myself on being able to do anything I put my mind to.  I realized that no matter how I tried…this weight was not coming off and I needed to put my mind in the right state to be able to accept help and follow through.  I woke up one morning, knowing I was ready mentally and I made an appointment at a Jenny Craig clinic.  That was the best decision I had made in years.  I signed up, stuck to the plan and in 25 weeks I had lost 50 pounds!  What a great feeling!  I ended up losing 8 more pounds after that and I felt great!  I bought an entirely new wardrobe and I felt in control of SOMETHING.  After my Dad passed away, the grief was worse than I thought it would be.  I felt as though I had so much time to prepare for his passing, that my mind would have grasped that once it happened.  I was wrong.  The first six months were so difficult…I woke up crying and went to bed crying every day.  The days did get a bit easier as time went on and it was the following summer that I finally started to feel somewhat normal again when a woman whom I’ve worked with over the past 16 years told me a bunch of lies regarding my position at one of the two shows I was working on…and I decided to quit.  It was a horrible experience being there for the last decade anyway…but I had a rough time getting over the deception of all that happened, especially when this person knew what I had been through the last several years.  I guess awful people do strike you when you’re already down.  Other than the fantastic money I was making working these two consecutive shows…there was no other reason for me to stay, as I hated working there anyway and had already felt like I wasted the last 10 years being there.  I put the word out to everyone I’ve ever known in the entertainment industry and was getting calls within a week.  My first show was a game show with a woman I loved working with many years ago.  It was fun to do something new for a change and work with people who were nice and appreciative.  The exact opposite of what I was used to at my old show. I did a couple more short term shows and then come November…there was no work.  I had November, December, January and February off.  It was rough!  I had already had the entire summer off not knowing I would be leaving at the end of it.  It was mentally and financially draining.  Work picked up again in March and things are really looking up now.  My only worry at this point is that my medical insurance expires at the end of this month and Cobra is pretty darn expensive.  I haven’t had to pay for my own insurance in over 14 years…another disadvantage of not being at the last job, but again..how long CAN you be miserable?  I gave myself permission after my dad died to not be so constrictive with my eating and the result a year and a half later…I’ve gained half my weight back.  I finally got my mind back to where it needed to be and went back to Jenny Craig this week.  I remember thinking last time how EASY it was and I just keep telling myself that now…and it really is!  By the end of summer I’ll be back to my skinny self!  The last 5 years weren’t ALL bad.  I still stuck to taking my annual vacation and had some wonderful times.  More on that next time….